Yes I'm a train wreck waiting to happen.. well that was what Sarah Mclachlan was singing.... Maybe I am a train wreck really waiting to happen..
But do I really need someone to pick me up off the tracks? I don't think so... I can do it can't I? It's just hard at the moment, the pain is just to... fresh...
To fall so deep into you
Lose myself completely
In your sweet embrace
All my pains erased
Ahhh.. love.. do i really need to fall in love again to forget what has happened? I'm afraid.. Afraid to fall in love again... I did not say that I wouldn't fall in love anymore but reality is I'm scared as hell just thinking about that...
Sigh... shit happens... and unfortunately, it just hit me on the head...
Now I'm trying to pick myself up and dust myself off..
Posted at 11:53 am by incubusbaby
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i'm bored. dead bored.
Posted at 05:02 pm by incubusbaby
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The Return of the Backslider
yep, unfortunately, i must admit i am a backslider... well, only in love... what can i say? after everything that has happened, he still rocks my f*ckin socks :)
*sigh* this is what you get when you lose yourself in love... when everything comes crumbling down, you have no more pieces to pick up and put together... but.. but... at least i know what it feels like to be in love, to float into space, to stare into nothing and smile, to wake up and say "sh*t im glad im alive".
i'll never regret what happened. those mistakes are lessons that i must learn (those ways of learning them are utterly horrifying!) i must take each day as it is, no matter what.
"one day we'll all have someone. someone special and skilled enough to kill us. and get away with it."
he got away with it alright, but i know i was not killed.
anyway, all i have to do is think happy thoughts right? i wish it was all that easy...
Posted at 10:44 am by incubusbaby
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wasnt able to sleep last night. i watched the tuxedo for the nth time, just to have something occupy my mind... then after that i was off to bed though i was not sleepy. i wanted to go out and scream my lungs out... i wanted to pick a fight with a stranger, or buy a cigarette or get drunk or anything! anything that will make me forget you... but i didn't. i curled up in the bed (it's not mine anyway) and stared into space... no tears fell (well, that's a miracle) though my heart was screaming in pain...
i'm tired... i don't want anymore of this...
Posted at 10:42 am by incubusbaby
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exactly 12 noon today, i let go of one precious part of my life...
and i know this time, it would be for real...
i had enough... and i think the pain is too much to bear...
3 years.. i always mentioned before... 3 long years.. but now looking back, i say to myself.. 3 short years... i didnt know it would end up this way. or did i expect the reason behind the breakup.
it is hard to let go and move on. you were always there beside me. but now, when i fall, i know you are no longer there to catch me... only you can take the pain away but thinking how you no longer want to do just that, it hurts even more...
you will always be a special part of me, that i am sure of. you were my first baby. you'll always have a special place in my heart.
whatever happens, i know i can do it. i know i can move on with my life..
i will just let the tears fall while listening to sappy love songs and re-reading your letters. a friend mentioned, feel the pain. for soon i'll get tired of feeling sorry for myself.
i have never felt so sad. i lost you and you lost me.
i wish it would rain.
Posted at 05:41 pm by incubusbaby
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